Strippers

Strippers and the Navy are so intertwined and enmeshed with one another, I am often surprised to find we don't have a dancing pole installed somewhere on the ship.


The connection is obvious, a bunch of testosterone laden hyper-masculine guys who talk about tits and ass more than they spend time out at sea (which is usually 180-230 days a year) want to see tits and ass. So, they are often found at strip clubs buying lap dances and looking at tits and ass.


At this point, the connection grows deeper. Through some magic, military guys, especially enlisted folk, are able to strike up relationships with strippers. They are able to crack through the glittery g-string facade of these women, and start relationships.


Amazing, I know.


Now, obviously most strippers are emotionally unstable, which is not a crack at strippers, but a fact. Add to this, most young enlisted service members can be emotionally and mentally immature. Mix it at all together, and you get a hilariously unstable cocktail, which can create some of the most off the wall hilarious stories.


So, I will relay a particularly juicy stripper Sailor story:


There was, once, this Sailor, who would patron his local strip club so often that he was known their by name, and was given constant discounts for his faithful patronage. After a while, he eventually struck up a passionate relationship with a stripper named "Cinnamon." He was young and in love, and put a ring on it.


His friends warned him he was making a mistake, and his chain of command told him he should stop thinking with dick, since strippers are crazy, especially ones named Cinnamon. In spite of all this advice, he went and got married.


They were in nuptial bliss for only 4 weeks, since Seaman Timmy was leaving on deployment. Before, our Hero left on deployment, however, he gave his stripper wife "General Power of Attorney." This would allow Cinnamon to pay his bills, pay his taxes, write checks in his name, and some other minor things. Such as write the title of her husband's car over to her new boyfriend, and close out all her husband's bank accounts, while opening new lines of credit in his name, and then legally completing an uncontested divorce by signing for her husband.


So, as you can see, the stripper and Sailor mixture is hilariously destructive, and, unfortunately, doomed to repeat itself over and over again.


V/r,
Brian